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Seven Step Guide to Breaking Up

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	"If you give the relationship the respect it deserves when breaking up, it will speak volumes about you"

Breaking up is difficult, but it is far worse to continue in a relationship where either partner is unsatisfied or unhappy. A good relationship requires both partners to be fully committed to each other. Anything less would unfair to both of you. When a couple breaks up, most of the negative focus is on the "dumpee" and not the "dumper," since the one who does the breaking off is often ready to move on and make a clean start. In reality, relationships are complicated affairs and it is equally difficult for the person who is breaking up the relationship to do so. In such a situation, it may seem easier to play the blame game rather than handle the situation with a bit of patience and maturity. Therefore, is there a way to break up that does not result in broken dishes, hysterical behavior, or colorful language?

Step 1
Plan what you are going to say and be prepared for your mate's response. This essentially is so you don't overreact to what he or she says. Remember that despite the obvious signs of a failing relationship, your partner may be shocked and may react emotionally. A relationship breaks up because fault lies on both sides, so don't pile all the blame on your partner.

Step 2
A romantic relationship is based on love, faith, and the fact that you can depend on each other; so do not break up on the phone, or with a polite and impersonal letter, and definitely not on a post-it like our sweetheart, Carrie Bradshaw, in Sex and the City. Have the courage in your conviction to meet the person you once loved face to face and make a clean break. Have this conversation at home so that you will have privacy if either or both of you break down, or if behavior goes out of control. Also, this way you know that your partner will not just storm out of the restaurant out of sheer embarrassment, leaving you with a bowl of curry on your lap. In case your partner has a tendency to throw things around, you may want to consider removing any expensive breakables.

Step 3
The conversation should be centered on how it is better for both of you to end this relationship. Explain that it cannot work if either or both of you are unsatisfied, and it would only make things worse to continue in this way. Your mate will have questions that you need to answer fairly. Emphasize the fact that you are both partly to blame for the way things have turned out, without nitpicking on issues. Your partner may ask you to reconsider or suggest ways to make things better; at this point, you need to state your opinion clearly. Do not go on a trial period to make the relationship work or you will be back to step one.

Step 4
If you are living together, decide beforehand if you are going to be moving out and make arrangements accordingly. The timing of your break-up speech is important, so that you are not out on the streets in the middle of the night with only the clothes on your back. It is practical to break up in the morning or afternoon hours, so that you or your partner has enough reaction time. If your partner is going to move out, give him or her time, but don't prolong the departure more than necessary, as it may be awkward. This, however, does not mean you ask them to move out right at that very minute.

Step 5
Give your ex enough time before you ask for any personal belongings that you may want back. Make sure you have ready the things that he or she may want back. Make the exchange in either of your apartments and avoid a public setting that could make the situation worse.

Step 6
Never kiss and tell, and do not under any conditions backstab or bitch about your ex. If you cannot be friends after a while, then just let go of the relationship and try to see it as a learning experience.

Step 7
After some time, when you see your ex, do not duck behind your friends or pretend you haven't seen him or her. Be polite, and judging by the reaction, you can decide if there is a possibility of remaining friends or if it is just wiser for the two of you to move on in separate directions.

Most people just want to end a relationship in a hurry, as a break-up is usually painful, often embarrassing, and always awkward. Yet, the Seven Step Guide to Breaking Up brings closure for you. A chapter of your life that is not closed well will always come back to haunt you. If you give the relationship the respect and consideration that it deserves, even when breaking up, it will speak volumes about you. If the two of you can move on in your lives, knowing that you are not meant for each other, you might actually become good friends; for when the love goes away and you still like the person, there is hope of a true friendship.

Comments (1)

Posted by: ImprisonedHeart (04/04/08)

This is good advice. Don't bring a past relationship into a current relationship. The uncertainty of a reconciliation of the past relationship is unfair to the person in the current relationship.