I don't know what to do about this guy. I've known him for 4 years, and I've had a crush on him for 3. We used to talk all the time, take walks until morning, stuff like that. Then I got a boyfriend becuase I was too shy to tell him my feelings, and I also didn't want to ruin our friendship. Once I got a boyfriend he stopped talking to me, he said that he didn't lke to crowd me. I've since broken up with this boyfriend and started talking to my "lost" crush again. I told him that I was thinking a lot about the past, he said that he had been too...but I'm still to shy to ask just what that means. Also, he is in the military, he will be going to Afganistan in August. I know that if we started dating I would be strong enough to handle a long distance relationship, I've liked him for 3 years, and faithfullness is not even a question. One minute I think something is going to happen, the next it's like he closes up on me. Any advice?
I figured if I was going to ask for people's adviceI should tell you some more information. He is doing training up in Ontario for another 2 months, then he will be stationed in Gagetown, which is quite close to me. When we talk he calls me doll, sweetie, beautiful, terms of enderment like that. When he came down last he called me at one o'clock in the morning to ask if I wanted to have coffee with him, and of course I did. So we drove around for an hour talking, just enjoying each others company. He told me that I looked great, that he was soo happy to see me again, that he couldn't wait until we could have more coffee dates together in Fredericton. When it was time to go home he gave me a huge huge, and he just wouldn't let go, it was amazing. The next day I saw his sister, who I used to work with, and she said she's heard that I had coffee wth her brother the night before, I just smiled. She knew of course that I have a crush on him, so she asked if we were going to start dating. I was so surprised, I said, well I don't know, we don't really have that kind of relationship. She smiled at me and said well I know you like him, I said yes, but he doesn't feel the same way. She looked at me and asked, are you sure? That made me think,,,maybe he does like me but just doesn't want to say anything until he gets back from his training. I'm so confused...what do you think? what's your advice?
how do you learn to trust anyone ever again? i have been seperated for almost 5 monthes and am getting lonely, so i agree to go out with this guy who hounded ME for weeks to go out,i agree to meet him at a cafe and he stands me up, second date, after a while of not sures ,stands me up, third one simply says putout or get out, i got out, the forth one well i liked alot and we were drinking and i lost controll of my,, selfrespect and spent the night and he has never even tryed to call me back, so how do you learn to trust any one ever again?
i truely need help, and someone to trust and talk to ,
girl, they are all PIGS some are just less then others, and some are all PIGS and they think money car get them the right to hurt people and be disrespectful , i hope you get the answers you want, but for me, im dont with dating im hanging in that swine attraction, its not for me,
The WORST thing you can ever do is live in the "what if".. The one person you feel confident in confiding everything your hopes, dreams, fears and joys is your BEST FRIEND>> Write him a letter telling him how truly speacial he has become to you and that you need and want him to know you are inlove with him.. I promise you no one has ever gotten upset because they were told they held a special place in anothers heart, never!!
My very best wishes to you and him.. there is such a thing as "Happily Ever After!" I promise..
RedNeckBrat, I can definitely understand your reaction about men, considering the hurtful experiences you've been through... but you, like many of the women on here, need to recognize the simple fact (if not for our benefit, then for your own) that not all guys are jerks.
I'm no expert, being fairly introverted myself, but I personally think that dating, just like committed relationships, has a lot to do with communication. If dating partners are aware of your intent, your standards and values (i.e. what's OK on a 1st/2nd/40th date and what's not), and your level of interest in them, then you're not likely to run into the same problems.
I suppose there's a couple distinct advantages to "online dating" -- such as the idea that you can get to know someone's internal personality and their intentions before meeting in person. There are drawbacks as well -- people can be very different online than they are in person -- but if both parties are honest and play it smart, there is less risk of being *emotionally* deceived.
To the original poster -- I was in a similar situation to yours a couple years ago. I was very interested in a girl that I spent a good deal of time hanging out with, but couldn't seem to judge the right way, time, or words to communicate my interest. In my case, though, all the evidence suggested that she was only interested in a casual friendship -- which was confirmed when she more or less disappeared from my radar for months, got married, and ceased all communication!
Don't let that happen to you, though, if you think there's a possibility of more. You appreciate the friendship and "don't want to lose him as a friend" but really -- you don't want him as a friend, you want him as more. You'll never be happy or satisfied if you never talk to him about it. If you make the move and lose a friend over it, you may be better off in the long run than going over and over this question for the rest of your life (or until he disappears from your radar again).
Having a son in the military who has been to Iraq once and is about to go again .. one thing I can tell you is that if your 'crush' is about to go overseas to a dangerous situation again, they [soldiers] tend to withdraw from friends and family just before they go. The way he treats you when he is around is significant though. Does he treat all women you have seen him interact with the same way? Or is it just you?
All in all I would say that it certainly sounds like he likes you. Give him your support and make the first move! Find a moment when you can gaze into his eyes ... and if you like what you see kiss him! You may be letting a good one (some of the shy ones are the BEST ones!) get away if you don't.