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Mom's Needs, Dad's Needs |
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Book By: Willard F. Harley Jr.
Dealing with the sequel
"There's good reason why they don't make sequels to romantic movies." Author Willard F. Harley Jr. couldn't have put the raison d'etre of his book in a pithier way. Romantic movies usually end with the wedding -- the credits roll and we don't see the aftermath of potty training and supermarket tantrums.
The coming of children can put even the strongest relationships to the test, and Harley is well aware of this. He deals with the issues, starting from identifying a romantic relationship through planning for kids, to dealing with intrusive in-laws.
Heartening words
Harley's gentle humor opens the book with the title of the first chapter: "And Then There Were Three." In his heartening opening words, he answers the question "Are children a threat to your marriage?" and emphasizes the importance of giving children a loving relationship to learn from.
The first section of the book examines the romantic side of relationships, and offers methods of keeping love alive by finding time for romance, and for meeting emotional needs.
In the section discussing a "united approach to parenting," Harley focuses on the practical side of getting ready for children. Couples often have values and personalities clashing soon after marriage. Just as it all dies down, having children can bring this conflict to the foreground again -- since everybody has a different approach to child rearing. In this case, the chapter on setting the rules of the house and upbringing is crucial. Harley even examines details such as how to divide the household responsibilities.
A special-cases section offers advice to mixed families, as well as parents of children with Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD).
Time savers
Naturally, new parents don't have a lot of time to spare. They will appreciate that the book is structured so that plans can be put into practice at any point, without having to read the whole book.
The first of three appendices gives quick access to the "most important emotional needs." The other two provide a worksheet and graph for that all-important "undivided attention" that couples must give each other to keep the flame glowing.
When dealing with the main issues of child rearing, Harley takes what might seem like a counter-intuitive approach. He advises new parents to make time to be away from their kids. He acknowledges that this goes against parental instinct, but as he points out, children don't need just attention, they need happy parents who stay together. Harley is clear on this: "My advice for parents is simple. If you want to be good parents, you need to care for each other first. Your children's future depends on it."
Naturally, Harley's focus is strongly anti-divorce. He advocates staying together for the sake of the children. Spare them the pain and trauma of divorce, he cries out. His stand really opens the reader's eyes to the paradox of parents who focus so strongly on keeping their children happy that they forget to care for each other, which eventually make the children unhappy anyway.
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Copryright © 2007 eRomance.com
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