Apparently, these are the perennial questions about sex especially for women: “if we have sex, will he call,” and for men, “when will she be ready.” When a little suspicious of such glib formulations, just nod to the spirit of the clichés. Sex is messy and complex, and never more so than when it is with a new person. It is important, very important, to have sex at just the right time in a relationship.



Do it for you
Have sex because you want to, not because you feel pressured or think the other person will disappear if you don't. A person like that is not looking for a serious relationship in the first place and you are just another receptacle for him/her. Do it when it feels right and do it for you.

Better late and more
Whether you are a man or a woman, it is always better to get physical later, rather than sooner in a relationship. Why? Because you will get to know the other person better and be in a better position to decide if you really do want to sleep with him or her. Margaret Paul, Do I Have To Give Up Me to Be Loved By You? says, “[People try] to get the intimate connection through sex, but great sex is an outgrowth of intimacy, not a cause of it. ... Physical attraction is never enough to see people through the inevitable conflicts that come up in primary relationships.”

Focus on the relationship
As important and fun as sex is, if it is a relationship you want, then pay attention to nurturing that. Get to know the other person better and let them know things about you. If you ask yourself, “Do I trust this person?” you should be able to say, “Yes” with no doubts. This is the way to feel more comfortable around him or her, and that is a prerequisite for good sex. The physical attraction will only become stronger and more deeply grounded.

Is what you have enough?
Look at how much physical closeness you already have. Do you hold hands? Do you have trouble keeping your hands off each other? Is there a spark between you? When you kiss, do you want more? What does the person's kissing style suggest to you about their bedroom style? What do you have besides chemistry? In the answers to these questions, you will find if it is the right time, or even if it is actually what you want.

Get the time right, literally
Whether it is spontaneous or planned, make sure your first time together is relaxed and private. You don't have to have scented candles and satin sheets, but the backseat of the car in a parking lot or alleyway might not be the best place. Always be responsible; use a condom.

Be prepared for after
If you do have sex, there will be an after – whether the morning after or the munchies after. Treat what happened with respect, but not absurd devotion or gratitude. Conversation will ease any tension that either of you may feel. You can even make a few jokes, just nothing that your partner might construe as meanness. Just so you know, the first time may be lousy or amazing, but it isn't always an indicator of things to come. Sometimes people stop trying to impress their partner and become selfish and other times, greater understanding and emotional closeness makes for quantum leaps in the quality of sex.

In this time and age of instant gratification, sex has become an important parameter to judge relationships, but make sure this does not pressure you into doing anything that makes you uncomfortable.